Pawprints on our Hearts: Embracing Pet Grief
As a death doula, I’ve witnessed firsthand the profound grief people experience after losing our cherished pets. These creatures often hold an irreplaceable spot in our hearts, providing companionship and unconditional love. At my last death café, an individual from Burma talked about how profound his grief has been since his beloved cat was tragically mauled by street dogs three years ago. This heart-wrenching experience has illuminated his death education journey. He cherishes his cat’s collar, preserving it as a memento in a prominent place in his home.
I tell people, if it’s life-changing love, then it’s life-changing loss,” said Jessica Kwerel, of petlossdc.com, a Washington, D.C., psychotherapist who specializes in helping people cope with pet loss. “We form really intense attachments with our pets. They’re witnesses to everything in our lives, and it’s about unconditional love, which we might not get in other relationships.”
The depth of our grief when a pet dies can be astonishing. Jessica Kwerel continues, “losing a pet can activate the same brain and stress systems as losing a human loved one. The pain comes from the loss of a meaningful connection, not from what kind of being was lost. This is why grief after pet loss is real, normal, and neurologically valid.” More on this neuroscience connection here.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Allow yourself to grieve. Recognize that your feelings are valid and that pet loss can be just as impactful as losing a human loved one. Consider going to a death café and talking about it!
Also, remember children have a special connection to their pets, and their death may be their first experience of the dying process. Check out resources here and consider books like Saying Goodbye to Lulu, and Mister Rogers’ When a Pet Dies.
Memorialize Your Pet
Like humans, there are a number of creative ways you can honor your pet’s memory; a good guide can be found here. Some ideas include planting a bush or tree in your pet’s memory.
Having a funeral or memorial service.
Did you know that Congressional Cemetery has a Kingdom of Animal’s pet cemetery?
Reach Out for Support
Don’t hesitate to talk about your feelings with friends or family. Here are great support tools:
• https://www.petlosscommunity.com
• https://www.aplb.org/support/
• Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline: (607) 218-7457
• Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline: (508) 839-7966
Consider Volunteering or Fostering
Channeling your love for animals into helping others can be therapeutic. Volunteering at an animal shelter or fostering pets in need can provide comfort and a sense of purpose during this difficult time.
Celebrate Their Life
Finally, remember to celebrate your pet’s life. Reflect on the moments of happiness they brought into your world and hold onto the joy they shared. Create a small ritual or annual event to honor their memory and the love you shared.
This article originally appeared in the January 2026 newsletter from The DC Death Collective.
